I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Drunk is a universal language darling
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
