Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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