I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
