is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
