Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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