You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
