Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
