i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize