why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Randomize