i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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