Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
