I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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