It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
