I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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