my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Just puked most of my soul out..
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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