He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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