I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
It all started with a game of naked twister.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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