woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
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