I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
