my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
