pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I love how my cats smell like pot.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
