Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I wear drunk well.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
