he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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