dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
