this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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