she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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