I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
