I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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