worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
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