so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
