pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize