3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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