Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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