Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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