so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize