Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
