Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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