You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
