He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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