Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
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