I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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