I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
