I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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