What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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