It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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