I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
