i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
