dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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