did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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