I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
