is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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