There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
porn star boner night. come get it.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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