i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
