Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
