So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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