I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
