i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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