Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
