It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
