im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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