Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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