Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
