I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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