I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
