i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
