i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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