My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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