38 yer olds are good kisserssss
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
