I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
